Welcome 2018, so far you have started off with a weather banger and for some of us A new year A new us. However sometimes we don’t always need to be new people we just need new habits. Perhaps we need the habit of drinking water instead of coffee, picking up a celery stick instead of a cigarette, perhaps its a habit of smiling at strangers instead of pushing them away. There is always A chance to turn our habits around, however it seems more socially acceptable if we postpone it until we can resolut it with fireworks and a ball drop.
With the welcoming of this new year I was able to come to a sudden revelation instead of a resolution and I thought I would share that.
The other night I had the pleasure of sitting at a local coffee shop too late into the evening with a friend of mine catching up. We caught up. We talked, we chatted, we laughed and I am sure I had tears in my eyes on several occassions. 2017 felt like a wreck of a life that I can say I am glad is behind me at this moment. I have not fought so hard to be strong as I fought in 2017. A lot of change happened and with change came a lot of growth. Within the conversation with my friend we talked about life, love, relationships, parenthood, and the state of our nation. We spoke how our nation comes down to us locally. In those long moments together I felt that we had covered an entire song of life and yet it also felt like strings were still left unstrung. The delight is knowing that those strings will be strung as time moves us along. Better yet, the delight was that I was able to vocalize feelings to someone that was not my intimate partner whom had heard my troubles over the year. Within my vocals I was able to put power behind feelings that I had said before but this time it hit– I moved forward.
It seems like a simple statement ‘MOVE FORWARD’ but its not nearly easily done as it is said. Realizing you had moved forward when you still thought you were being held back; astonishing. I finally realized that I had in fact said goodbye to a pain in my heart. I finally put down my pain and anger of the loss that had been haunting me. Two years ago on the 28th of this month I lost a long time friend and his death has been lingering. I have always been . . . . emotional. . . about death. Perhaps it is my own fear of death that works with that emotion but losing a life; no matter how deep or well known to me; hits me differently than it hits others–or so it seems. Death is an absolute, the one thing we can gurantee will happen, but when is the question that most of us fight every day. For those who are left after one has taken their last breath it then simply becomes the question of when do you ‘move forward’? Some where it happened– some time of crying of feeling anger of feeling sad of feeling …. feelings… i moved forward and finally recognized my path was now changed because I could somewhere inside of myself actually say GOODBYE. Within a simple coffee cup and playing catch-up with a friend… I recognzied my 2017 was actually concluded in ways I never knew. I neverr wanted to let him go, but in time I know that I didn’t have a choice and in fact I didn’t make the choice instead life made the choice for me.
To all the loved ones we lost in 2017–may your life be reimbursed through us.
In this moment I ask if you are peaked about the loss of a life–someone significant to who I am as a person– please go through and take the time this year to read through his significant works of words that he was able to leave us through the eternal life of the internet HERE
Now I continue on and find ways to the momentum and recognize how lucky I am within my own privlage to be alive, to have children alive, to have what I do around me alive. For 2018 I want this to be the year of movement not only within myself but hopefully within you and within the nation(s) we live in. I wish us all a fantastic year of living and I wish that doors that can be closed are and those that are needing opened are opened with hearts, eyes, and opportunity.
Cheers my friends