How LONG DO I STARE AT THE SCREEN!?

I have 6 .. thats right SIX drafts right now… just sitting there. UGH. I didn’t know writing would be so hard. Over a dozen years ago I could write any one a hand written letter… seven pages long without even thinking of it. I would have this journal with me.. well multiple journals with me… and I would write and sketch and write and sketch and write like it was the last words I would ever say. I use to have a Live Journal and a My Space that I would cling to …. omg I think I even have a Dead Journal out there in the universe. I don’t remember any of the names… or the names but the emails they were married to no longer exist. I can’t wait to figure that out one day. I will laugh so hard when I see whatever it was that I was going through that I THOUGHT I couldn’t. Late teenage/early adult angst…. the best right????haha.
Angst is a funny thing that sticks to you like glue.  The definition of angst is “a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.”  When you grow up with angst you don’t seem to quite get over it like you get over other things. You can get over jealousy and you can even get over love; most of the time it isn’t true love. You can get over being angry or being sad, but to get over angst is to get over an entire mental process. When you surround yourself with angst at a young age it becomes a mindset, it becomes your entire view into your adult life. Perhaps you really do suffer from anxiety so you have it going in to your adult life, you dread going to school and therefore you learn to dread going to work. You are upset over the human conditioning in the world and that again leads to your general disposition of your adult life leading into the rest of your life. Think about it. ….
A generation of kids growing up with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Marilyn Manson, KORN, Rage Against The Machine, etc. becoming parents. Think about it, really, think about it.


So in all of my drafts that I kind of see as a waste of momentum that I had only for a few moments, I am really trying to sit down with my thoughts. Nathaniel Ratliff is on in the background and it will be followed by Ben Howard. Yesterday we had a great listening session of Thelonious Monk and Miles Davis, and earlier today I was listening to … you guessed it.. Today by The Smashing Pumpkins. My 8.75 year old; hes close to being 9 and reminds me how close he is; loves that song. I was listening to Pink Floyd earlier this week and I also jammed out to Outkast. My musical taste is all complete feeling. I never listen to anything that doesnt move me. Sometimes I love to dance, I mean just love to dance around my house completely unaware of anyone that lives with me and sing my heart out while I shimmy around. Other times I want to sit with some deep heartfelt music that just touches my soul, and perhaps I need to call my parents so if I throw on some Carol King or Jethro Tull it will make our conversations a little more meaningful. Every once in a while I want to just throw my husband through a loop and I will throw on some Stevie Wonder and LifeHouse and anything that I can slow dance with him to in our kitchen.. ya know….. just because I want intimacy without sex.  I love holding someone close to me and a spontaneous commitment of body touching for 4-10 mintes. MEN listen up… your woman; or man or whomever you are with; wants you to pull her close and do something a little silly, a little intimate, and something that will make her grin when she remembers it. Ya’ll have no idea what grabbing a woman by her waist to her favorite song and dancing with her will do, something that is so underrated in a sexualized generation. I feel like men have lost their intimacy while women have gained theirs. This isn’t because of our born sex, or because of any political naming, this is just my opinion.  Maybe you could get laid more if you empowered your partner you know? Men see empowerment as their strength when it comes to sex but you know that a woman leads in the bedroom? I mean sure you could pump and dump one right in, but in all honesty, it is her that can make sex into love making. And of course if you are two men, two women, two … human beings of whatever you claim your nature to be.. this applies to you as well. Remember that the better your partner feels about themselves the more open they can be with what they want and I think that we have lost that in a generation that is full of angst.  We are filled with too much inside of ourselves from our past to really explore what is the truth of our nature. I know this blog has gone a bit 180 but its how my mind works.


My last note is to remind you of something:
Life is really short and a lot of people have a lot of shit going on. So keep thinking of yourself. We are often told about how tougher it is to be someone else so it musst be a sham how we feel… but its not. how you feel is how you feel and i am really starting to get pissed every time I HAVE to play some pissing contest of WHO HAS IT WORSE? Its not a competition. ALSO FUUUUUUUCK LET ME SAY THIS…

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change  <—fuck you keep trying to change it all the fucking time

The courage to change the things I can<—-YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD you need the courage to CHANGE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU WANT AND IVE GOT YOUR BACK

and the wisdom to know the difference<—-YOU ARE THE BEAST TO CHANGE ALL THE THINGS IN THE WORLD. EVERY VOICE MATTERS. YOU DON’T NEED WISDOM, WISDOM COMES FROM AGE AND YOU JUST GO WITH YOUR GUT AND MAKE A DAMN DIFFERENCE EVERY WHERE YOU GO!

 

Much love.

Miles

 

Resolutions and Good Tidings

As we prepare to enter another new year and say goodbye to 2017 I often find myself around this time pondering the year behind me and the year stretched out in front of me as some sort of golden, “this year is going to be better” mindset. As though a year is a long time when in actuality it’s a very short period of time. Time, in itself stretches and wanes across our universe, when an hour feels like a minute and a minute like an hour, we often bang the drum of time, lamenting that it waits for no man, that’s there never enough of it and that it heals all wounds… as we spend our time mourning the loss of time.

This year we started the Miles and Crawford Variety Hour. This month is our 6 month anniversary and we honestly can’t believe it’s been that long. Time sure does fly, doesn’t it? =) (hahaha) We are currently on episode 17. We’ve had some ups and downs, trying to get a regular schedule or episodes has proved to be difficult when time (ha, get my theme yet?) has gotten short for either of us. But, even when we release episodes with large gaps of time in between them we still think about and work on our podcast outside of the actual recording. Research, themes and long essays sit on our shared drive waiting to be explored. The biggest hurdle so far for us has been promotion, networking and of course, scheduling. We live in 2 separate towns and have gone to recording across the internet instead of trying to meet weekly for recording sessions. Our audio quality has suffered some over the course of our experiment and seems to have finally worked itself with the lovely gift of a fancy microphone from Miles to Crawford. (Thank you again Mrs. Miles)

What are we thinking about going into the new year? Well, we have big ideas but acting on them is the hardest part (as it is for everyone.) We would love to bring you more content in between recordings in the form of blogs, essays, comics, storyboards, and other little things to connect with you as often as we can. This new year we are exploring new topics and shorter episodes, and other platforms that allow us to do small recordings or check in’s with our audience.

What are some topics or areas of conversation we’ve neglected that you’d like to hear us ramble on about? Or, what have we touched on but not fully explored that you’d like to hear us talk about in depth? We love to rant, give us some ideas that will inflame our leftist sensibilities and ignite our imagined revolution!

We here at Miles and Crawford appreciate the small listenership we have now and look forward to growing it as the new year engulfs us and then leaves us behind. I look forward to reading this blog again in a year and hope that we are still in production with us going on episode 70, celebrating a larger audience and new content streams. As the year comes to a close we can’t thank you enough for your support and continued listening. It takes a lot of work to put a podcast together and to keep at it, and when you have people that like what you’re doing and come back every week to listen again it really drives you to keep going and try to improve on it week after week.

Thanks again for listening, reading and supporting us. This year is all about growth and hope you’ll stick around for the ride.

See you in the new year with new episodes!

Tea Time

What a world we are living in these days; maybe it’s more like what a nation we are living in. The uprise we are seeing from the people of this country is beautiful and sad. I am hoping to really dive into the tax bill today but I just don’t think I have it in me, at least not THIS entry.
Today I read a beautiful blog by my friend who lost her father the other day to a cancerous brain tumor. I felt after the read that I was able to walk in her shoes for a moment, and understand a little more of how and what happened. It is one of those weird things when people move and become separate human beings, you kind of forget how their lives must be like. I have always adored my friend Mandy, her determination and spirit in life. She is one of those girls who you can go to a bar in your pajamas and just have the most delightful time ever. One of those spirits you are lucky to come across, and even though a decade span in our age, I am certainly changed from knowing her for a handful of years. She is the animal of delight and laughter and so to read the hardship she had faced is beyond wrenching. However, her hope and her words and her strength show a family whose determination we should all remember. So please take a moment and read her latest entry HERE. If anything her father deserves your eyes to read through his last story through her words.
After reading this entry it made me appreciate a life well lived a little more than ususal. It made me realize that the fight ahead of myself and others is far from over. We are in fact a progress of life that never ceases until our entire body gives in to its circumstances, and until then we all must fight for the right to breathe. Conqueredd by television, societal demands, work ethics; or lack of ; and a political shitstorm we often lose our way about what it means to be alive. I mean sure you can tell me to go for a good hike up a hilltop but it is the middle of Decemeber in Ohio and I do not have the necessary funds to equip myself for such a battle. You can tell me I could travel to be alive,but again, I have work, bills, children, and a life here that I must find livlihood in. I think that people tell you what it means to be ‘REALLY ALIVE’ are people who have privlage in ways that most will never have and therefore feel that their way of living isn’t real. REAL is what you live and you have no other choice but to face it as best as you can.
Holidays are around the corner and although you couldn’t afford 2k in gifts for all, you can give yourself the treat of breathing. Look around you and appreciate a little more of what you have even if you don’t have much. If you have the ability to read this blog you have the internet, if you have a roof over your head you have the gift of shelter, if you have food in the fridge you have the gift of being full. There are gifts all around us that we don’t see because they aren’t materialistic enough but they are enough to live, to appreciate, and to surround ourselves with good things. So pour yourself a hot cuppa and enjoy this moment because at any given moment it really could just change with one thing.
Blessed be all of us.

Episode 15: The Age of Aquarius, A Conscious Universe, Astronomy vs Astrology and Coffee!

Miles & Crawford are back this week to take a walk on the weirder side of things. Are we in the Age of Aquarius? We talk about Astronomy vs. Astrology, Pseudo-Science, Planet effects, touch on physics just a bit and then get distracted and meander into random topics before bringing it all full circle just as we do every week!

Scandals to the right and to the left, I just wanted to drink some coffee. . . .

Well why not make another post about another Hollywood elite coming out as a possible rapist?Again we are asked to find proof and again someone is hiding under the roof of alcoholism to deem their actions acceptable. Worst of all what Kevin Spacey has done by lurking under the umbrella of love in the LGBTQIA is unacceptable. He took the community and then threw them so far out, that he might as well have thrown mud on them laughing while walking away in a very Underwood tone.   

Taking such a beautiful community and hiding a 30 year old crime under it, is beyond heart-wrenching. It was so extremely tone deft coming from a man who portrays such a well spoken egotistical southern gentleman . Kevin, you should of known better. YOU play the problem with America and on a personal level you COULDN’T even get it right.

Shocked? Not really, Mr. Spacey always had a creepy vibe to him on the screen but I just thought it was his choice of characters.
Surprised? Surprised that a Hollywood actor blames alcohol on his ability to jump on a young child and commit adultery? Should I be surprised because a boy came out? Because neither of these moments are surprising to me. Boys are raped too, we just had a talk about this didn’t we?

Appalled? Only at Mr. Spacey’s apparent disregard of the community he should of opened his arms out to. This is only about pride and Mr. Spacey figures that while his credits roll so high under his series and movies pretty much we will accept.I am not sorry to say WE DO NOT ACCEPT.

I am NOT sorry there Kevin. Not all of us are going to sit quietly while you continue to backtrack your way out of the spotlight. You want to tell me about your privacy? No, see, you took that away from yourself and your victim(s). See I know they will come out of the woodwork. You did that side smile and wink thing didn’t you? You really are not that far from the characters you play, in fact, now I see you were never an actor you were in fact always committed to the parts you played because that was you.You were always this guy whose shadows foreshadow the human inside. We found you and we will fight you.

All I wanted was a cup of coffee and to read about how orange face will soon be impeached, however, instead I got another heart pumping, body aching truth that the people who we thought we could trust we can’t. You are all going down and with your sinking ship I bid you a fare-thee-fucking-well.

 

When, Where, How and Why

24 Days ago we made our last post and went kind of M.I.A. for a small haitus of our own personal lives. We are back! Where do we even start? How do we begin? Why is this going on?

First and foremost we want to thank our friends, family, fellow podcasters, and overall humans for going out to save, help, and offer their money to all of those who were affected by Harvery, Irma, Maria, and Jose.

Next we want to make a huge shout of love to all those who are still coming to grips with Las Vegas, Nevada. There is nothing we can do besides action in order to change this course of our own history. Find your local Red Cross and DONATE blood to Las Vegas, Nevada or please go visit the gofundme page. Every dollar helps, because in America you have to raise money for victims because our governement will definately not help them at all.

Third of all WE ARE SORRY. We are sorry we do not have the words of comfort, we are sorry we can not offer millions of dollars in relief, we are sorry we can not do more but we are giving our  money, we are making sure we can give blood and will do so if our medical history allows.  We are sorry we live in a country where 93 Americans die a day in gun violence and that no matter how we approach this we are wrong. We are sorry that money owns our government and we are sorry that we could not stop Donald Trump from signing a bill in February allowing those with some mental disorders from owning guns.

And that is how we must start, by first addressing everything one at a time. We have to find reflection in our humanity and in our beliefs that there is a way to find compromise. Compromise means both sides may not be satisfied but there is a form of resolution that allows them to walk away from it with grace and dignity. Peronsally, I do not know the answers, but I do hope as a country that we find them. I hope that we put our religion, our money, our anger, our selfish wants all on the curb and we look at each other by what we hold inside of our hearts as the start to the barganing table. This is, and never has been, an issue of god or politics, this is  a human life issue. I wish money did not take matter over human lives but it does, and the people we elect chose money over life each and every time so remember that when you head to the polls.

I want to thank you for staying with us and know that we will be posting soon again, podcasts will be up and we will try to disect the mercy of human behavior with a few cups of coffee and perhaps a few cocktails as well to help heal the bitter taste this nation has left us with.

 

Get Out and Fucking Vote!

According to an article I was reading today from thehill.com linked here, I found some interesting facts at the end of the article that made me really think about our voter population, how many people are registered, and how many people voted in the last major election. The article focuses on a Fox News Poll conducted during the last days of August 2017. Currently, Mr. Trump is sitting at a low of 41% percent approval, which is still baffling that it’s even that high. Have we really not learned the lessons of our ancestors?

There are an estimated 200 million registered voters in a country of about 323 Million. So 41% of 323 Million is 82 Million that theoretically approve of how Trump is doing. (The Fox News Poll only sampled little more than 1000 registered voters and demographics are not mentioned.) In the last election, only 58% of registered voters made it to the polls, of those voters:2016 registered voters

Another troubling thing I read was this small paragraph:

“Fifty-six percent of respondents to the survey say Trump doesn’t respect racial minorities, and only 35 percent approve of his response to the deadly white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Va., earlier this month.”

So, 35% of around 1,000 people amounts to about 350 people. 350 people. Really. They walk, hate and live amongst us, my friends.


Sources on voting data:

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/registered-voters-who-stayed-home-probably-cost-clinton-the-election/

http://www.politico.com/story/2016/10/how-many-registered-voters-are-in-america-2016-229993

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voter_turnout_in_the_United_States_presidential_elections

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/voter-turnout-2016-elections/

 

-C

From August 17th 2017

A while back ago I started to work on a piece about Charlottesville and have not been able to get back to it until today. We are recording Episode 9 tonight and I know we are going to touch base on the very atrocity of …. well…. humans.

I have been under the impression that enough tweets, articles, pictures, and Facebook posts from others would somehow help me define my words and angst. I even got extremely drunk one night and Marco Polo’d ( a Great app that you should all check out) a friend about the state of my nation. I have attempted to talk, speak, voice to text and calmly discuss. All of these things, all of them. Then it dawned on me after lunch on a Thursday that it was about time that I said something.

What is happening to our nation is nothing that should be shocking or new. We have been waging wars with other countries for hundreds of years to distract our own selves from the destruction of our own nation. I am fighting internally as a white woman from a small white Republican town in Ohio as to where my anger, my pain, my voice should be placed but I know that my voice is my own and no matter how hard you may try to define me and what I have to say, these are my words to own and not yours. I hope you respect my words; even if you do not agree; just as I will respect your counter-point as long as it to talk to me and not down to me.

I follow every article that Shaun King writes and I listen to every podcast that WellRed produces. My daily news sources are NPR and AlJazeera while my local channels of WTOL and WLIO are just as important to me. I dabble within CNN and sometimes even get a kick out of watching the latest FOX NEWS episodes here and there, but I will tell you that I do not try to stay in an echo chamber. I will watch C-Span and ESPN as well follow conspiracy’s on REDDIT and the best WHOLESOME MEMEs that it can produce. I binge watch Game of Thrones and Regular Show, I have at least 3 Rick and Morty shirts and one that supports my love of Adventure Time.  If you do not follow Father Nathan Monk on Facebook you should, you should also follow Humans of New York and of course for your daily dose of love Suzies Senior Dogs. I am a news junkie and avid book reader, I do not believe journalism is the same since Tom Brokaw, Walter Cronkite, and the late Peter Jennings were on the air. MTV is nothing without Kurt Loder and Tabitha Soren.  I explain all this to you for you to understand I take social media seriously and its overall impact on society.

Today I sit at work coffee in hand and my job probably in disarray as I have focused so hard on the social impact of instant information that I have forgotten how simply important my work ethic use to be.  My kids went off to their first day of school yesterday and all I could think of was; are they going to talk about Charlottesville? I took my dogs for a walk and I saw an African American man crossing the street and the only thing I could think was; if I don’t look at him and smile will he think I am against him? I went to the store and saw a young woman in front of me and I thought to myself; I wonder who she voted for? I went to go pay for my gas and I looked over at a construction worker wondering if he was making good money this summer to feed his life? These thoughts are all too consuming and though are coming from a great place takes me away from the greatest place I should be—inside myself positively. I don’t think I can look at myself in the mirror anymore without consistently thinking of others and if any thing I am doing is ever going to be enough to fix this place I am in. I no longer can look at my children with hope and glory as I wonder if they will even have a nation to call a home or be able to grow up as adults with a little less worry on their shoulders. MY CHILDREN. I know they are going to make a difference—but are they really? If they do make a difference is it going to be the difference that I am proud of? If I do my job right as a mother; which who the hell even know what that means anymore; will they grow up to open doors for elderly and always remember their manners?

I am distraught and tired of the world hating each other for reasons that we can not even begin to talk about without sincere emotion. We can not even talk about a piece of metal in a park without talking about it passionately. I believe that we are on the wrong side of history and the fact is, we have been for a really long time. I believed in our nation as a young person because standing for the pledge of the allegiance felt like it meant something to me, watching fireworks made me cry; well they still do, and I was so excited to do projects on the presidents of this nation. I believed in the wars we fought because they were for the betterment of society and I also believed in the protests of Vietnam. I knew that with every pro there was a con and sometimes all you knew of were the pros because the cons were so terrifying that you would never sleep right again. We were taught and we saw the errors of humanity, we knew going into this life what could happen when we acted on impulse and reaction without slowing down our insatiable desire for instantaneous results. I, like a naïve child that I was, believed that we would learn from Hiroshima, Vietnam, Slavery, and The Holocaust. I thought my lifetime’s history was going to be glorious in progress, friendship, mending together broken language barriers, and love for all.

I was wrong.

I want to state that sentence again. I WAS WRONG.

My generation did not fail me, my parents did not fail me, hell, even this nation did not fail me. I failed. I failed in the acknowledgment of truth around me and I failed in the acknowledgment that change was not really happening. I failed in the bubble I lived in and I failed in the family and friends I did not speak up to earlier. I failed society by becoming consumed with my sense of self. I had a duty as an American citizen to be something more than I am and I didn’t because I was trying to fix who I was instead of who you were.
“I didn’t because I was trying to fix who I was instead of who you were. “ We are so consumed with trying to better who we are for our mental health, for our family, for our jobs, for our friends and for our lively hoods and all along we were supposed to be fixing you instead. It is you who brought us here. It was your encouraging posters with a cat hanging from a window and your defining of achievement by showing a runner going up an empty stadium of stairs. All this time while we were attempting to make sure that we were becoming the best and the brightest, the smartest and the prettiest we let you down. You were the ones that needed the attention. All those racist, homophobic, gun loving, only right if you’re white kind of folk, those were the ones who needed us the most. We should have put aside all of our own dreams, aspirations, and goals just to make sure they were fixed, cared for and caressed. We needed to stop living for ourselves and started living for them. They needed fixing a long time ago and we put them in the shadows and in the corners, we never noticed just so we could be better human beings ourselves. (Deep Deep Rolling Eyes)Image result for eye rolling vector

I hope you understand that my heart is breaking every day. I am ashamed of how hard it is to become a good person anymore. Between stagnant wage growth, inequality of sexes, discrimination of color, and the brutal uprising of blatant show no fear killings. I am not sure where HOPE comes from anymore. I am not sure where I can walk or who I can talk to about this pain I feel every day for people I will never meet. I do not know how to stop my anger from boiling inside of me every time I see some kind of racist fuck twat march in the street to spray paint a Nazi symbol on a driveway. I can not teach my children that the world is a safe place but telling them DANGER DANGER DANGER! I no longer can walk with my head held high, NOT BECAUSE SOMEONE SHAMED ME but because I AM ASHAMED of what my color, my heritage, and my nation have done not to me but to themselves. I do not know what choice you give us but to rise, resist, and act on impulse.
America. I do not know who you are and although you may be where my feet walk every day and where my body works every day and even though my taxes are paid every day to the people who run this atrocity of a government I can no longer call this my home.

This is not my home. This is not how I was raised and this is not how I will be defined.

As for you .. Mr….. what are you in because you are certainly not our president and you are certainly not a leader … to you… You soul-less prick I hope you understand that you have failed no one as promised you showed us exactly who you are.

Before I head off into the wind, I almost got scammed

The rest of the month I am on the road, first up NASHVILLE! then I am home for 3 days to go to Las Vegas and then again back to Las Vegas. Real life sucks and I wish I could take what I am passionate about and turn it into a way that I could make money off of it.  I travel throughout the year but this month with my job it is a back to back to back kind of thing. Seriously, though who wants to be my sugar? Daddy or Mommy either way I am totally cool.

Currently we are in the middle of editing some back to back episodes that I find to be pretty good. I am pretty excited for what episode 10 and episode 20 will become with our talents and perhaps we will get this shit down and make a living off of it. However at the rate our government is trying to kill us, we will see if we can ever make it that far. Seriously those two idiots need to pull their dicks out and find out who wins. Sadly, I am still sure we would lose.

ON ANOTHER NOTE

I was reminded recently of how absolutely ignorant I can be sometimes.  Two days ago I start chatting with a lady about the possibility of a stay at home job. We are talking it up, we are doing a lot of back and forth and suddenly I notice this feeling in my body that says ‘Dude Miles you are a fucking idiot’. I was after all a fucking idiot and realized that I was being scammed. However, the great thing is they sent me a $5,000 check that I won’t cash because that is how they get your bank information, also I reported them to the BBB and to the other scam catcher sites. I also then told them that I knew they were scamming me. Cool. Cool. Ugh. I swear, if it sounds like a good gig, it is not. So remember a few things:

*Ask questions
*If they want to call you but you not call them, its a scam
*If they misspell a word; like where they got your information from; it is a scam
*Call the company they are pretending to be and ask them if they are hiring stay at home jobs
*DONT BE SCAMMED!

Also if all they get from you is your house address you do need to call your post master and advise them that you are not in fact changing your address, nor will you be changing your address any time soon. IF YOU GAVE OUT FINANCIAL information; which you should never do to any one you can not physically  meet in person; you need to get a hold of every government scam site and let them know as well as your bank, your social security agency, etc. NEVER GIVE OUT YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER to any one that you have not in fact done your research on and of course meet in person. Please be safe out there. And remember to stay tuned as we are fine tuning our site, our episodes, and will be a work in progress. We promise you that we are continually trying to make ourselves better.
-Miles-